Do you remember where you came from?

Yep. I remember.
I remember being daddy’s little girl. Stealing his stocking cap with the CAT logo on it and slapping it on my head as a toddler. I remember falling asleep on my dad’s beer belly as he napped. I remember my two older brothers not yet to the years where they start to tease me. I remember my mom smoking her cigarettes and holding me at the same time. I remember hugs from my dad and my mom.

Do you remember where you came from?

Yep, I remember.
I remember being in the house that looked exactly like a red barn. I remember my brother sexually assaulting me. I remember the walk out into the woods where my dad told me “people go to jail for lies like this.” Where being daddy’s little girl vanished. Where I disappeared into deep depression and losing the will to live. Engulfed in darkness. Squeezed tightly with anxiety. I remember thinking I am little. Too little for heart attacks. Too little.

Do you remember where you came from?

Yep, I remember.
I remember how much my parents loved to travel so even though I was a liar, I had to stay at my school mate’s house so I wouldn’t be alone at home with my abuser. Every fricking time my parents traveled. They traveled a lot. I remember them always having money for travel but not money for my healthcare needs both physically and mentally.

Do you remember where you came from?

Yep, I remember.
I remember my two older brothers getting to experience things I never was allowed to. I remember most birthdays that came were only acknowledged by me. I remember my sweet 16th and golden birthday laying in bed all day. I remember being depressed. I remember I could barely get out of bed to periodically go to the bathroom.

Do you remember where you came from?

Yep, I remember.
I remember I came from parents who had their own business. Where money has a higher priority than their kids…well at least more than one of their kids. I remember the deep fear of my abuser. Running into my room , locking the door then taping the lock then barricading the door with my toy box and my furniture. Because my abuser would try to pick the lock while my parents were gone during the day. If only every time they were gone was overnight so I could be gone too at my school mates. I remember assaults don’t just happen at night time when the only light shining is the moon.

Do you remember where you came from?

Yep, I remember.
I remember from a place where I could only truly feel safe in the woods by myself. I remember that even the wild animals were kinder to me and loving towards me. I remember going out into the woods and using everyone of my senses to be present with the woods, the spirits and the creator. I remember that when I tried to run away to places other than the woods I was stopped and scolded and many times told what a horrible person I was. I remember the words flowing off my mother’s tongue like snake oil that I was their hardest child to raise.

Do you remember where you came from?

Yep, I do remember!